A Nuclear Strike Imminent

Donbovawitthegunma Uranium Monitoring Project

Introduction & Overview

The majority of the citizens of Donbovawitthegunma are extremely Anti-Uranium minded, however our glorious Emperor and our illustrious Sheriff are both of the agreed opinion, that if a "buck" can be made out of the current Federal and State political decision on Uranium Mining in South Australia, then all business and corporate opportunities should be considered.

As Donbovawitthegunma is located 'slap-bang' in the middle of Maralinga, Olympic Dam and Beverley, environmental safeguards have been long established to monitor the potential risk of long-term exposure. The most current scientific research * show this is minimal.

With the ongoing support of our own Scientific Community of eminent scientists who have emigrated to our fair Sovereign State and the approval of the Emperor Wazzup Nowdown, stage two of the project has been launched and the following business opportunities are now available for tender.

* Undertaken by Melbourne University Scientific Advisory Council 1974

TENDER

Ice Cream Van Business

A NEW innovative opportunity to operate Donbovawitthegunma's first Ice Cream Van business has become available for any interested party wishing to emigrate to the Sovereign State of Donbovawitthegunma.

The operator of the business will have full responsibility of the operation with only 10 per cent of gross profit required to be supplied to the administrative body in lew of the tendering license.

All inquiries to his.royal.decadence@gmail.com

Chicken Pluckers & Catchers

WANTED

Able body and fit individuals are required to catch Free Ranging chickens on various poultry farms in the Donbovawitthegunma locality.

Chicken Pluckers are also being sort to remove feathers from the euthanised birds prior to market.

This is a unique opportunity to become involved in a growing industry.

Refer information listed below

All inquiries to his.royal.decadence@gmail.com

TENDER

Waste Disposal Company

An experience Professor of Garbology is required to take over the full operation of a NEWLY established business located just west of Donbovawitthegunma and east of Maralinga.

This extremely important position offers not only the full control and responsibility of the operation but also free leasing of the large residential mansion located on a 100 hectare property.

Refer information listed below

Contents this issue:

Dispelling the Rumors
Two-headed Cows
Four-legged Chickens
Emu relevations
Unsual sightings

Thanks to the generosity of our beloved Emperor, this handy little "Atomic Energy Lab" is now being made available to all citizens of Donbovawitthegunma.

Now is the time to supply your children with the knowledge of Nuclear Power.

For the unbelievable price of $175.00 your whole family can marvel at the wonders of the Atom.

But WAIT! There's more ...

... with every "Atomic Energy Lab" purchased, our glorious Emperor will throw in a ,cute and cuddly four-legged baby chick for FREE!

All inquiries to: his.royal.decadence@gmail.com

The Cosy Kangaroo

ANNOUNCES

BEEF is on the MENU

Disclaimer

The Science Department and Professor Kirtienski would like to dispel any truth to the rumors, started by a visiting Victorian journalist, that the profesor was exiled from Russia because of the Chernobyl disaster.

The professor also denies that he has ever used radioactive isotropes in any of his genetic experiments.

Eminent Scientist and respected citizen, Professor Fritz Kirtienski, disputes rumors that radioactive contamination has anything to do with reported animal mutations.

"From my experience as a leading Geneticist and the Nuclear Control Officer at Chernobyl, I can categorically state that these animals are the result of normal enviromental evolution."

"My team of investigators and I," commented the professor, "have personally visited all the farms in the region that reported oddities in their stock and assured them that the animals and poutry examined are showing nothing more than advance evolutionary process."

"Two-headed cows, although expensive to feed, are not that unsual." he said, "The bovine tested have shown that the cattle in question also, have eight stomachs instead of the usual four which has resulted in milk production increasing to 250 percent. Which only goes to show that two heads are better than one."

"The four-legged poultry, also are a wonderful advent for those amongst us who like drumsticks. Unfortunately, no one knows what they taste like as yet, as the buggers run to fast."

Professor Fritz Kirtienski

Drumstick Lovers Rejoice

The poultry industry in Donbovawitthegunma is in a state of high excitement with the successful mass breeding of four-legged chickens. What scientists have termed as the "advance evolutionary poultry process" the initial hatching of 100 four-legged baby chicks two years ago has culminated with a very carefully control genetic engineering and selected breeding process resulting in the production of approximately 7,500 birds.

Several large supermarket chains have all expressed interest in the birds.

Professor Kirtienski shows off two of the baby chicks

"TWO-HEADED COWS NOT UNSUAL"

Milk production on the Rise

According to the local dairy farmers association, the production of milk has increased a remarkable 250 -300 per cent.

A spokes person for the association reported that the increase should be credited to Professor Kirtienski and his team at the Science Department for the special feed supplement being supplied to the industry.

Wonderful Old Homestead's NEW Lease of Life

One of Maralinga's historical first homesteads has recently been purchased by the administrative body of Donbovawitthegunma.

"As it's general location is closer to the border of our Sovereign State," our glorious Emperor is reported as stating, "the 100 hectare property is largely uncontaminated and as such is ideal for the uraniam monitoring project."

"Our intention is to offer it as residence to the new manager of the waste disposal operation and utilise a large portiion of the property for landfill and waste disposal.

The Emperor went on to state that all appropriate safe-guards are already in place and appropriate signage presently being erected.

Three of the Signs already located on or near the property

"We have also, ensured that the project, the property and the manager himself, are insured from all forms of indeminty." said the Emperor, "if anything does go wrong, and I am not saying it will ... but if anything does happen ... which is extremely unlikely .. we have managed to insure the whole project against accidents, with the Australian Commonwealth Government 'Foreign Aid Protocol Insurance".

"It's as easy as this." His Royal Decadence is reported as saying, "If someone stuffs up ...we get a mozza out of the government we seceded from. It's bloody incredible."

Multi-purpose Waste Disposal containers are already being used

Science Advisor, Professor Fritz Kirtienski, is extremely pleased with the progress of the project.

"The Homestead's history alone is of great scientific value,"said the professor, "It is the only building existing which survived the 1956 test."

"...And as for the money, if it wasn't for the Sheriff brokering the deals and the appropriate foreign ministerial heads being approached."he continued, "then, the whole financing of the project would never have been fisable."

Uranium Only To Be Leased

The recent news that both the Australian Federal Governement and the South Australian Governement will not sell but only lease mined uranium to other countries, has inspired our ever entrepreneurial Emperor.

Under the instructions of the Emperor, the science department have designed and contructed suitable containers, which can be used by foreign countries for the return of uranium to Australia.

China, North Korea and several middle-eastern countries have already shown interest in purchasing the containers for later use.

UNUSUAL SIGHTINGS

Sightings of several unusual animals have been reported to the Science department, the Sheriff's department and the Donbovawitthegunma Adminstration.

The Administration would like to take the opportunity to ensure all citizens that all reports are being taken seriously and appropriately investigated. Our scientific advisers have confirmed the existance of at least three of these 'rare' species and advise that although none of these animals are believed to be dangerous, to approach them with caution.

KILLER EMUS NOT "HISTORICAL" BIRDS

The belief that the Killer Emus are a 'RARE' "Historical" Species is being disputed by the Australian Native Wildlife authority.

A representative of the Donbovawitthegunma Science department has escorted three Native Wildlife officers out into the field to investigate.

The Australian Native Wildlife authority are of the strong belief that the Emus in question are actually genetic mutations.

Conclusive evidence to support either theory are at present unavailable as the party has not reported back in the last two weeks.

"If nothing is heard from the field-workers in the next week or so, we will organise a further search party to find out what happened to the field-workers as well as the first search party and bring back any bodies if neccessary." said Mr. Max Murphy, representative of the Sheriff's department.

Greenpeace Rumor

Rumor of an inpending Greenpeace protest is only a rumor. Emperor Wazzup Nowdown and the Green Asparagus have acted quickly to quash all rumors. "We are in full support of Greenpeace and welcome any greenpeace members to visit Donbovawitthegunma as long as they do not interfer with legitimate business dealings," said the sheriff.

As a show of support the Emperor has instructed that a banner linked to the Greenpeace Australia website be included on this page.

"Now if the blighters even contemplate staging a protest in our Sovereign State we will move to charge them for the banner advertising." siad the Emperor, "The Sheriff on the other hand, is very much interested in giving any protesters a guided tour of the desert ... go figure?"

We are Committed to DUMP

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