WELCOME TO DONBOVAWITTHEGUNMA

As you enter our beautiful Township, you will be greeted by this sign. As you proceed down our main road you will note other as informative signs along the way. It is recommended that particular attention is paid to these sign and not just a passing glance. As this information just may save your life.

A NOTABLE SIGN IS THIS ONE

Visitors to our town will pass this sign after the initial "Welcome" sign. It is advised that unless you are carrying gerry cans of fuel or have an extremely large fuel tank in your respective vehicle, that if you change your mind and decide to by-pass Donbovawitthegunma, the next Service Station is over 260 km in either direction.

It is therefore recommended that you fill up at the town's only service station located across from the PUB.

 

The Children's Playground

Ideally located just within the entrance of the town, the Children's Playground is a wonderful place to stop to allow your children the chance to stretch their little legs. After over six hours of travelling to reach us the poor little tikes need some relaxation and play time.

We have the Unique Honour bestowed on us to have the WORLD'S BIGGEST SAND PIT.

There is no fear of any venomous snakes, wild animals or child molestors being within cooee of your children whilst they frolic, as any such creature can be seen clearly in either direction.

However, it is strongly recommended that parents of newborns or toddlers stay with their children at all times as the occasional Dingo may wander past and we all know how quick these mongrels can snatch and run.

The Children's Playground

[Part Two]

Parents are also advised that the occasional airplane may use the Children's Playground as a landing field.

As such, it is advised that upon hearing the roar of jet engines that the parents do what the dingo does ... "Snatch and Run!"

 

 

General Store

Located conveniently just a few kilometres past the playground, is Donbovawitthegunma's General store.

Many of the usual household requirements and products can be locate here, as well as some unique items such as Emu Oil, Goanna Oil, Eye of Newt and Snake anti-venom etc.

The proprietor of the Store, Zelda, is also the town's resident GP, Dentist, Herbalist, Gypsy psychic and Tarot Card Reader.

The Post Office and Bank

Just across the road from the General Store is located our post office and Bank.

The post office is equipped with the most up to date technology and ensures that any "Telegrams" sent will be received within 24 hours.

All mail will be delivered within the week following the scheduled arrival of the Friday Mail plane, weather permitting.

All Banking transactions will be honoured within two weeks of deposits, whilst all withdrawals depend largely on finances available.

Secure Armoured Car

Our secure Armoured Car makes regular trips to Adelaide and occasionally Darwin, to acquire finances for the Bank and The Pub.

Clients of the Bank are rest assured that the guards who transport the money, the Murphy brothers are reliable, trustworthy and armed with high-powered rifles.

 

 

Max and Mikey Murphy

 

 

 

 

 

Emperor Wazzup Nowdown's Home

The Stately Manor of the Township's beloved Emperor is available for Tour Bookings.

This wonderful house is steeped in History and built on subterranean caverns rumored (although denied by the Emperor) to once have been an Aboriginal Sacred Site.

These dwellings are used as vaults to house many value items which include the Emperor's unique private art collection, family heritage antiques and the town's historical archives.

The atmosphere of the vaults is greatly enhanced by the many indigenous cave paintings on the walls.

Visitors to the Manor are afford the ability to exam these artifacts through the protective vacuum sealed glass cabinets constructed to prevent deterioration.

Visitors would also be interested to know, that our beloved Emperor can trace his lineage back to Czar Nicholas, Rasputin and Catherine the Great.

As Donbovawithtegunma does not have a jail, all wrongdoers and lawbreakers are kept in one of these vaults and then, under cover of darkness transferred to the Executioner's home by The Sheriff and his deputies, the Murphy brothers.

The Manor also doubles as the local Courthouse and Weekly Spiritual Gathering place of The Scarlet Turnip, the Bishop of Donbovawithtegunma and his congregation.

Well Worth A Visit

The Paddle Store

This Unique Store and Business was founded by our beloved Emperor Wazzup Nowdown and was the Emperor's original abode.

The Paddle Store was the very first house built in Donbovawitthegunma.

Named after the adjourning creek, which was also, named by the Emperor who found himself in the odious situation implied. The store can assure that all customers will never be caught up the proverbial.

Footnote: Dead Dingo Creek runs into Shit Creek at the crossroad near Grey Mauser Funeral Home and Cemetery.

 

 

 

The Exectioner's Home and Office

During your visit to Donbovawitthegunma it is well worth a visit to the wonderful Home of our beloved and much respected Executioner.

Here you will discover the RULES and REGULATIONS which govern the well-being and daily existence of the permanent residents of our beautiful Township.

If you are fortunate and the room is not in use you will be allowed to tour the Executioner's Torture Chamber, which is occasionally used by "Ze Pink Passionfruit" for her own amusements.

There are several rooms in the abode which are classified "PRIVATE" and visitors are warned not to attempt to enter these rooms. It is therefore advised, that unless you REALLY wish to become a permanent fixture that a level of decorum is maintained at all times during your visit.

Well Worth A Visit

Sign Outside the Executioner's Home

Grey Mauser Funeral Home and Cemetery

The Grey Mauser Funeral Home and Cemetery is located next door to the Executioner's Home.

The Cemetery is considered to be the ONLY cemetery in the world to have NO unmarked graves.

All those buried where known, are known or will be known (once we checked the missing persons directory).

All grave sites are well maintained and flowers are placed daily on every grave by Zelda or her completely MAD partner Amanda Veinstone.

It is strongely recommended that all visitors abide by the sign and remember that the cemetery is loacted right next door to the Executioner's Abode.

 

Timber Yard and Saw Mill

The Donbovawitthegunma Timber Yard and Saw Mill was foundered by the late "Skippy" Skidmarx who was the noted inventor of the battery operated chain-saw.

"Skippy" Skidmarx also, held the prestige position of Tourism Minister for our great Sovereign State, until his recent untimely death.

The Timber Yard and Saw Mill is presently FOR SALE.

All inquires: his.royal.decadence@gmail.com

 

The Wazza Wool Company

The Wazza Wool company was founded by Emperor Wazzup Nowdown prior to our township seceding from the Commonwealth of Australia.

All members of the regime hold shares in the company and all permanent residents are offered shares upon becoming citizens of the Sovereign State.

Due to the Australian Government mismanagement and mishandling of the "sheep stranded at sea" situation.

The 50, 000 sheep reject by the United Arab Emirates were largely from the Donbovawitthegunma district and the purchase of the mob by the Australian Government is still owed.

"They tried to pull the wool over our eyes," Emperor Wazzup Nowdown stated. "Howard and his party have fleeced us. They are nothing but a bunch of dags."

Come Visit The Wazza Wool Company

Just follow the main road out of town and turn right at the old outhouse near Dead Dingo's Creek.

 

The Service Station

The Cosy Kangaroo Service Station is owned by the proprietors of the PUB (Hotel).

The Service Station is the ONLY and last service station within a 260 kilometre radius. As such it is recommended that you fill up before departing.

The Average price of petrol calculated by shipping costs and the current National price is $5.00 per litre.

Any suggestions of impropriety should be taken up with the local police enforcement and reported to The Sheriff department.

 

 

The Cosy Kangaroo Hotel

The Cosy Kangaroo Hotel is owned and run jointly by The Sheriff and The Bishop of the Sovereign State of Donbovawithtegunma.

Both owners of the premises are residents of the Hotel.

The Cosy Kangaroo is the only hotel in the township and the only pub in a 320 kilometre radius.

The Hotel has three comfortable and very nicely decorated rooms vacant and spacious camping grounds at the back of the premises.

All known beer brands are on tap or available except for Fosters and Four X.

 

 

 

The Cosy Kangaroo Restaurant

Enjoy a nice Kangaroo stew or some lovely Kangaroo tail soup or even a juicy Kangaroo steak.

At the Cosy Kangaroo, located at the rear of the Cosy Kangaroo Hotel, kangaroo is always on the menu and actually kangaroo is the only thing on the menu.

If you don't like it then eat somewhere else.

As the Cosy Kangaroo is not only the best but the least expensive of the two eateries in town, you would be had pushed to find better grub this side of Uluru.

Bite Me

Bite Me Restaurant is the ONLY other eatery in Donbovawitthegunma.

Owned by the Emperor Wazza Nowdown's step brother Adolph Mussolini (don't ask), Bite Me appears in the tourism listings solely to prevent our beloved Emperor's brother from "bad mouthing" the other tourist destinations to visitors.

Bite Me Restaurant has a B.Y.O. license

 

The ONLY Road Out of Town

Thank YOU for Visiting our Township. Please be aware that you are still in our Sovereign State for the next 260 kilometres. So Please DRIVE CAREFUL and try not to break down anywhere ...

... Because your God, the Emperor and the Rest of Us have the same attitude if you do.