IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS

From The Sheriff's Department of Donbovawitthegunma

Greetings and salutations to the fair citizens of Donbovawitthegunma. In an effort to be user friendly the Office of the Sheriff will in future post all business items on this site and on the Donbovawitthegunma's home page.


First order of business is the claim that the Sheriff is facing a corruption inquiry. It appears there are citizens that have made assertions that the sheriff received large amounts of cash in brown paper bags. So I hereby announce that in order that this not become an issue whereby an inquiry is needed every other week, I the Sheriff hereby declare in the interests of transparency and fairness that:

1. All future payments will be handed to the Sheriff in clear plastic bags as usual in full view of the public.

2. Please label your bribe, graft or blackmail payment with your name and address in black permanent marker. (for book keeping purposes...its getting very difficult to keep track of all the payments.)

3. I apologize to the tree huggers for the use of plastic bags for official government transactions but we will be recycling the bags by reusing them, returning them to their owners. We at the sheriff's office encourage our fair citizens to assist us in this recycling initiative.

Thank you for your cooperation and I look forward to more transparency in the future.

Signed
The Green Asparagus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Write to me:: his.royal.decadence@gmail.com

From The Emperor of Donbovawitthegunma

I am predicting that the upcoming Federal Election will be held on the 10th November give or take a week and as such all those amongst you who have enrolled to vote should take a number of things into consideration.

Of course the voters have to look hard at all the political parties, what they have to offer, what they stand for, what the isiues are, what their policies are ...

To cut to the chase, whatever your political leanings are and which ever party you usually vote for even if you vote Independent ... NOW is the time to thing about what is BEST for your Country.

 

Look at the Pros and Cons. .Study the policies that each candidate has to offer. Most of all think with your gut and think of YOUR Country . Vote unselfishly ... vote for what is BEST for Australia!

On the other hand ... you could be completely SELFISH and Say "to hell with Voting" !

EMIGRATE NOW ! BEAT THE RUSH! MOVE TO:

No Elections! No Voting! Just One Dictator

 

* Now Shuddup Ya Face *

His Royal Decadence

Emperor Wazzup Nowdown

From The Sheriff's Department of Donbovawitthegunma

 

Ho Hum it seems announcements for the Chief of the Secret Police Force are few and far between owing to the fact of keeping things secret. Yes life is good in this shire, all one must do to maintain their role as Sheriff is collect UPPPT (user pays preferential priority tax) or as it is called for short "UPPETY". And as Sheriff one must also drag the carcasses of fallen (by accident of course) enemies out to the desert. From time to time if I'm in a good mood I might clear out a few stagnant ones from the Emperor's abode. Fill out some paperwork stating cause of death (stopped breathing) which all goes to confirm the high quality of health in the shire, you won't find any weird diseases here.

No, no chronic disease exists at all, fair citizens are more likely to die from our beloved town chef's soufflé backfiring while it's being cooked. Although it is a dish to die for and one must taste it to truly appreciate this statement. It seems the Police Bomb squad had another call to attend ...Funnily enough right about the time cheffy was turning them over and it backfired. Cheffy won't tell us why they taste so light and fluffy... but I reckon it has something to do with all those hydrogen gas cylinders he gets delivered every second Tuesday. SShhhh it's a secret!

Occasionally as the Sheriff I get calls about Gladys Mayfield streaking to her mailbox, Gladys is the wife of one of our illustrious founders and on payday fancies herself a bit of a Lady Godiva. So it's a quick drive out to her place to administer blindfolds and paper bags. The paper bags have a two fold purpose, for those of the founding generation it helps to settle their heart rate and breathing to a normal rate again. Secondly for those of a more meager vintage it serves to catch chef's soufflé before it comes into contact with the ground and has one of those nasty backfires. Yes we like to practice safe soufflés. The blindfolds are for those who are of more modest and not so curious of nature. Yes being Sheriff is not just a job ...its a lifestyle.


The Green Asparagus

 

 

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